Are you listening?

Do you have anyone who’s listening to you?

I hope so. Life’s so much easier when you have someone rooting for you in your corner. I’ve always enjoyed being that person, the listening one, and sometimes I’ve simply been dealt that role. But sometimes it’s not just about listening to somebody else, but to listen to yourself or your body.

For about five weeks I managed to follow Cassey’s calendar without a single break, which is huge seeing as it’s me and exercising six times a week it’s a major accomplishment. But then at the end of last week I got this major cold and haven’t been able to train since, it’s day 8 now and I’m soon going to go crazy. I actually miss it, who knew. Well, I’ve thought about it and I know that it’s crucial to be able to actually listen to your body’s signals; it’ll let you know when you have to slow down, so that’s what I’ve been doing.

But no, it hasn’t been easy. I’ve been so into this whole training phase lately and it felt like a minor defeat to settle down onto the couch these last couple of days. But I realize that it’s for my own good. But it’s much easier to be the one doling out advice or being the one listening, rather than to actually make yourself feel better. Do you listen to your own advice?

Also, been noticing some weight loss lately (mostly during these days of sickness, so maybe it’s temporary? Although I hope it’s not…), not that I have a scale, but I’ve noticed clothes getting looser. How do you guys deal with that? I mean, sure it’s good news, that’s my goal to shed some pounds, but it’s bittersweet. At least for me. I mean, now I feel desperate to keep them off and not gain them back.

For quite some time now, I’ve had a complicated relationship with food. But thanks to Cassey and this whole POP-Pilates regime, I’ve felt much better, better than I have in ages. I’ve eaten properly, more frequently throughout the day and I’ve felt stronger, more energetic. I haven’t had any anxieties and I’ve been able to treat myself with typical “cheat” meals every now and then. This is huge progress, but at the same time I’ve felt myself regress slightly these last couple of days, now that I haven’t been able to exercise. But I hope to be able to start slowly tomorrow or maybe even today, and then I’ll get right back on track.

When I’ve talked to others who’ve had similar thoughts/troubles as I, I’ve offered clichés mostly like: Life’s too short; You have to be able to Enjoy life too, not just focus on training and calories; Whatever training you do, even if it’s one squat, it’s better than nothing and If you keep eating clean, you don’t have to worry so much. Just do your best.

The thing is that I’m not really a hypocrite, since I really do believe in them (the clichés) and I wish that I’d listen more to myself at times. But it’s difficult, that’s the problem, huh? We are our own worst critics.

In a way I feel so incredibly stupid for worrying about calories and being skinny/beautiful enough. I mean, if you’re healthy isn’t that the most important thing? What about feeling good about who we are, even if we’re not skinny models or have visible super abs? Sure, it can be a good thing to think about eating clean and stuff like that, but it shouldn’t rule your life should it? We do only live once and I surely don’t want to look back and remember a constant struggle trying to become “perfect”, I feel like it’s a mission doomed to fail unless we get realistic and try to feel good about what we manage to accomplish (no matter how small those accomplishes might be) and not become greedy by thinking “ah, well just a few more pounds…” or whatever it might be. I’m not saying you shouldn’t challenge yourself, but it’s important to get some perspective, so that it doesn’t go too far. Hopefully you have someone around you who can help you and someone who can keep track of you.

Yesterday I received some bad news, my father has to undergo yet another surgery. Cancer, benign though and they’re very positive and yada yada. But I can’t really calm down about it, hence I haven’t slept at all tonight. And doesn’t this put some perspective on things? Real life, horrible things are happening and what am I doing? Worrying about looking good enough on the beach this summer.

I wish we could all just try to work on being more content with who we are and except that we can’t all live up to the Hollywood standard, we can work on being healthy and exercise to live longer but we shouldn’t have to hold back on everything just so that we’ll be good enough for someone else (we usually get the idea of what’s perfect from someone else, don’t we? We keep comparing ourselves to others in the gym or models in the magazines. I mean usually we want others to look at us and think/say “wow, he/she is good looking/perfect”, even if we keep on insisting that we’re only doing it for ourselves. Because we’re stronger than that, stronger than falling for societies norms, right?). It’s pretty tragic, isn’t it?

Sorry, I’m ranting and I’m not even sure if I’ve reached a conclusion. I guess I needed to be the one not listening for a change. I love you guys, try to be happy with who you are. I’m sure there’s something that you like about yourself, find at least one thing and hold on to it  (I challenge you – á Cassey – to it) You can do it, I know you can. 


One thought on “Are you listening?

  1. Yes, I’m listening. I’m sorry about your dad and send positive thoughts your way.

    As for all the other stuff that is going through your head, I hear you, too. It’s a long way and a tricky way to think about eating clean and exercising as the healthy thing to do and not the thing to do to shed pounds to impress others. I’m not there either. I am happy with every pound I lose. On the other hand it is indeed the same as being healthy for me as I am overweight and that cannot be healthy, right?
    I enjoy reading your rants because I realize once more that I am not the only one struggling. I have no answers only motivation. Because I think as long as you are feeling good with what you are doing you should do it. Working out feels good? You miss it? That’s good. If it is fun and not “Oh no, exercise, again?” you should do it and not feel guilty about doing what you enjoy. Right? Right!

    I hope you get well soon. I’ll be here to listen.

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